part 3 nov 18 1 year forward

evolution of feeling like shit

and what i listen to / suno makes for me

week 2
the day after tomorrow: PROFIT
tomorrow: ???
today: fight club soundtrack, anarchy, sabotage, terrorism, living off grid, pink/black
saturday: quake soundtrack, hp lovecraft, disgusting, dakota, brown shades, annunaki
friday: anime soundtrack like beat, he who grows his own rice, fucked up black/white/red
thursday: somali reggae, svea lycksaligheets triumph, desperate, yellow/blue
wednesday: biker punk
tuesday:
monday:

week 1

apocalyptic hardcore, magna alba sancta immanentia, green
presidential speech, scrub on scrub off, red/white/blue
black guy doing poetry slam, vasopressin
facebook has your personal information they dont need you anymore
traditional folk music, woman freedom life, iran revolution 2022-2023
another smash hit single brought to you by the thieves at suno

it was so long ago
nine inch nails - the fragile, lost love, oil paint, turpentine

its swimming like the dolphins in the fish

yes, that also makes people cheer in the pub

see

heres her engaging with

a manpig and a pigman at the same time

she just cant help herself

the story of how i met bella. i had been at fountain house for 8 years. a year before the boss said "in 4 years youll be boss here tomas". but i chose love instead of power and money. they had happenings now, so once a week or so a payed employee, i was volounteer, would hold something special. xhyljeta held a beauty night, and bellas mom, eva, invited her there when she happened to be in stockholm. i had the day before smoked homemade opium, and recently gotten a straight edge tatu, since people started calling me "vegeterian" out of the blue and laughing hysterically and disgusting, after id eaten the healthy meal like once ever during lunch.

i had nothing to do there, just wanted time to pass so i could go home late and sleep and not think too much of my shit life. so i cleaned my tatu with alsol alcohol, bad idea, the ink got into my blood. as bella said later, "did you inject gasoline into your veins"? i was more bored still, and was gonna play something better than the shit radio station they had on the bluetooth speaker. i grab the houses smartphone, and before i know it theres a phone call. i answer, nobody else cared, and it was eva. they said "let us in, weve called and beeped a thousand times".

i run down quickly to the floor below, and there they are, a hippie mom with a platina retriever dog and her fashionable daughter in a gorgeous browngreen nonrevealing dress. i lead them to the meeting and i play some nicer songs. i could quickly see bella didnt feel comfortable there, so i hold out my hand she grabs it and lead her into the office which was empty. i show her my facebook page, and she whispers in her mellow voice "thats me". i was heavy into spirituality then, and had a alignment avatar. you know like chaotic evil and lawful good, myself im chaotic neutral good.

bella was a libra, they stand for beauty and wisdom. to most that would be an oxymoron, because youre either a geek or a jock, right? wrong. i had summoned her since all the way back on my first blog i never wrote anything in because i was shy, but i had 2 tags composed of 2 emojis, yes we had unicode emojis even in the 1990s. 1 was libra 1 was taurus. or maybe it was a dragon and fairy (älva) there. anyway i tried to play some cool songs for her, then figured i should play some of my own. id released negative feedback loop a year before professionally through the tunecore aggregator and looked through the tracklist, i tried out of intuition "tantra", she says again in a really shy voice "det låter som älvor" "it sounds like elves".

then i lead her to the second floor and begin experimenting with the sound system. i freak out the ether and soon the angel dog comes panting and her mom after her. i ask her name for the first time. eva says they have to leave. i go back to the crowd then home when its dark outside and listen to some cheezy hiphop song from my wide record collection from the 80s where they say "isabella, isa-bella-lah" a few times on vinyl then forget her.

im back at fountain house, everythings the same as always, im in a not very populated room there, and her mom pops up again. she has POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS on her arm but i dont care, i flirt with her and oogle her out. we talk some and she mentions her female side of the family has a curse on it. luckely enough id read about using white magick to breark double crossings, i show her on the screen and she says i should print it. she eyes the paper some, then exclaims, in calm, "bella has been talking about you for 2 whole weeks", anyway, she then asks me to add her on facebook.

i had just my first and last name "tomas johansson" there and there are easily 10000 of us so bella just couldnt find me from the noise during all that time. as usual i figured my grandma would ruin it and just say "my account is here, add her yourself". she adds 2 accounts, what i didnt know then until after she broke up with me, is 1 of them was bella, 1 was her sister tessan. tessan loved me even more. one of her quotes is "take inte droger, du saknar ingenting" "dont take drugs, youre not missing out".

the rest is history legend and music and poetry and art and the greatest ballad ever made. tomas la belle epoque.

note. picture included is a tatu on the left paart of chest which says in english "god bless you and bella forever" spoken by marilyn monroes daughter to me, and features a blood diamond and blue crystal.

"i like ös it sounds like lowercase"